AYESHA RASCOE, HOST:
Motherhood can be a beautiful thing, but it can also drive a person to the brink and right over it. In a new movie, "If I Had Legs, I'd Kick You," we meet Linda, a mother drowning in anxiety. Her young daughter, an off-camera vortex of need, is suffering from a mysterious illness for which Linda blames herself. She has a stressful job as a therapist, and when an epic plumbing mishap blows a massive hole in the ceiling of her home, flooding her floors, pushing her and her daughter into a dingy motel, Linda's left to handle it on her own because her husband, who is away working, is little more than an unhelpful voice over the phone. It's a lot.
The film stars Rose Byrne, Conan O'Brien, ASAP Rocky and Mary Bronstein. Mary Bronstein also wrote and directed the film, and she joins us now from our studio in New York City. Welcome to the program.
MARY BRONSTEIN: Thank you so much for having me.
RASCOE: I got to ask you, like, how was the making of this movie? - because watching it, it is so anxiety inducing. And as a mother, I mean...
BRONSTEIN: Yeah.
RASCOE: ...It felt like a day in the life in some respects (laughter).
BRONSTEIN: Oh, wow. I love to hear that. We made the movie in 27 days. It was not a luxurious situation. And I'm a filmmaker who believes that the tougher the material, the more pleasant the set has to be because if I'm asking my performers to really go there, to get into that place emotionally, then when I call cut, it's got to be hugs and giggles...
RASCOE: Yeah.
BRONSTEIN: ...Because otherwise, it's not going to work. It's not going to work.
RASCOE: Yeah. Well, and, you know, the thing about this is - 'cause this is a movie about a mother who is trying to do everything for her daughter, and then she's dealing with roof caving in and all this other stuff. And so much of the movie, like, you just see shots of Linda's face. Like, you just see her.
BRONSTEIN: Yes.
RASCOE: Was that a choice to highlight Linda's loneliness?
BRONSTEIN: I was using it for a couple reasons. One, to show her pure isolation - she's a woman who is going through it. She has this child that has a mysterious illness. She's displaced from her home, and she has all these other stressors. So I'm using the close-up to highlight the isolation and also to really say to the audience, I'm putting you in this woman's reality, and that's the only reality that you have. We can't reality check against her. We have to radically accept what she's experiencing.
RASCOE: And you know, I mean, I think there is this part of motherhood. I mean, people will say that you can lose your identity in motherhood...
BRONSTEIN: Yes.
RASCOE: ...But I also think it's this idea of there are so many pieces that you have to deal with 'cause she's still working. She's not...
BRONSTEIN: Oh.
RASCOE: There's that joke where they keep, you know, calling her a housewife. She's not a housewife. She's work...
BRONSTEIN: She's not a housewife. She's a working mom.
RASCOE: She's a working mom. She's dealing with the house. She's basically kind of a married single mother because the...
BRONSTEIN: Yes.
RASCOE: ...Husband is away. And...
BRONSTEIN: Yes.
RASCOE: ...He away. So she on her own.
BRONSTEIN: You get it so completely. And the idea of - I know you relate to this - we are trying so hard. As you said, the needs that are being asked of us constantly is a bottomless pit.
RASCOE: It's relentless. It's relentless.
BRONSTEIN: You cannot - it's relentless. Because there is this thing in our society where we hold mothers up to this lofty, ideal thing - the mother.
RASCOE: Yeah.
BRONSTEIN: Then that perfect mother that we compare ourselves against - she doesn't exist.
RASCOE: Yeah.
BRONSTEIN: It's a myth.
RASCOE: What do you think this movie tells the audience about the experience of motherhood?
BRONSTEIN: The challenge that I have found in my experience in motherhood and that I- trying to get out in the film, the person that you were before you became a mother - that person doesn't disappear once you give birth or adopt a baby or however you do become a mother. Where does that person go? And how do you balance keeping that person alive?
I started writing this movie out of a real existential crisis that I was having about that issue, where I felt myself disappearing into the task at hand with my own daughter, and I started writing the movie to kind of try to figure it out and kind of save myself a little bit.
RASCOE: You know, I feel like the scene, to me, that was really kind of pivotal - and it was when Linda - she's in this group session that she has to do...
BRONSTEIN: Yes.
RASCOE: ...As a part of dealing with her child's illness, and there are these other moms. And you, Mary Bronstein - you played a doctor who leads the group. And I got to say, I didn't like you that much because from Linda's perspective, I was feeling - 'cause we're seeing Linda's perspective of you. And Linda's perspective...
BRONSTEIN: Oh, absolutely.
RASCOE: ...Of you was like...
BRONSTEIN: Absolutely. Dr. Spring is the gestapo.
RASCOE: Yeah (laughter). We have a clip.
(SOUNDBITE OF FILM, "IF I HAD LEGS I'D KICK YOU")
BRONSTEIN: (As Dr. Spring) So as parents, a lot of times we look too closely at ourselves, and we start to ask ourselves, is this my fault? But all that does is create a thinking trap.
ROSE BYRNE: (As Linda) I just - you keep telling us that it isn't our fault.
BRONSTEIN: (As Dr. Spring) Yeah.
BYRNE: (As Linda) But it is.
BRONSTEIN: (As Dr. Spring) Excuse me?
BYRNE: (As Linda) I mean, if it isn't our fault, then we're really super [expletive]. We're just walking around pretending we have power to change something that we don't even understand because it's not our fault, but we know how to change it, even though it's not our fault.
BRONSTEIN: Oh, man.
(LAUGHTER)
RASCOE: Oh, man. But here's the thing. You know, as the therapist, you're telling the mothers not to blame themselves.
BRONSTEIN: Yes, it's not your fault.
RASCOE: But as a mother...
BRONSTEIN: It's not your fault.
RASCOE: ...It's like, there is a pressure to fix it.
BRONSTEIN: I'm playing the doctor who's really taking her to task. Why aren't you listening to me? Why aren't you following my directions? Why aren't you working this program? When I'm writing it, I am with Linda, too, because that's a confusion that I have, where it's like, yeah, it's always told, it's not your fault. OK, it's not my fault. But then I'm also the one that's supposed to know - to know everything, to always know the right thing to do for my child. But guess what? Sometimes I don't know. And if it's not my fault, then how am I supposed to know how to fix it?
You know, I have - in another scene, she's talking to her therapist, and she's literally begging him, tell me what to do.
RASCOE: Yeah.
BRONSTEIN: And his answer, quite frustratingly, is, well, you already know what to do. And it's like, no, I don't. No, I don't. That's not what she needs.
RASCOE: Yeah.
BRONSTEIN: What she really needs is somebody that's saying, you know what? What you're going through is hard. And that's what she is looking for and begging for, and nobody is giving that to her.
RASCOE: The stakes are so high, so...
BRONSTEIN: Oh, yes.
RASCOE: But you need to allow that everything won't be perfect. I'm not going to make all the right decisions. What I understand...
BRONSTEIN: A kindness.
RASCOE: Yes.
BRONSTEIN: A kindness to yourself - where is the room to forgive ourselves for some of these transgressions that we make during the day and during the years that we're raising our child?
RASCOE: I mean, 'cause I guess, you know, we're talking about this as mothers, but people will watch this movie who are not parents. What do you say to those who will be coming to this movie - they have not had these experiences - what can they take from this?
BRONSTEIN: Everybody has been through an experience where they feel like the universe is conspiring against them, where they feel like they have a load on their shoulders that isn't fair. And that whole thing of, like, you know, we're not ever given something that we can't handle - that's not true. Sometimes we cannot handle it, and we need to have kindness and forgiveness and empathy. And the other thing is, you're watching this movie. You're in this woman's reality. It's an empathy test at that point, then. How can you find empathy for her in this situation,? And how far does that stretch?
RASCOE: That's Mary Bronstein. Her new movie, "If I Had Legs, I'd Kick You," is in select theaters this week and nationwide October 24. Thank you so much for speaking with us today.
BRONSTEIN: Thank you so much for having me. This was wonderful.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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