AYESHA RASCOE, HOST:
At the start of the new documentary "The Dating Game," we see three young Chinese men strolling through a large mall.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "FLOATING ON THESE WAVES")
DANA MCKEON AND STEF TAHLIA: (Singing) Oh, oh. Oh. Hey.
(SOUNDBITE OF DOCUMENTARY, "THE DATING GAME")
UNIDENTIFIED PERSON #1: (Non-English language spoken).
UNIDENTIFIED PERSON #2: (Non-English language spoken).
RASCOE: They're shopping for new clothes, all under the watchful eye of dating coach, Hao...
(SOUNDBITE OF DOCUMENTARY, "THE DATING GAME")
HAO: (Non-English language spoken).
RASCOE: ...Who's giving his latest recruits a radical makeover. The film follows this group of bachelors who've enrolled in an intensive dating boot camp, as they desperately try to find love in modern China. But as the documentary's director, Violet Du Feng explains, the odds are quite literally stacked against them.
VIOLET DU FENG: Many people may not really think too much about it, but we have one-child policy that ended about nine years ago. And it's really the consequence of that policy when we're in a society that we have more than 30 million surplus of men, coupled with a cultural that, you know, at the time when one-child policy was executed, that China largely preferred boys to girls. And now they're grown up, and all of a sudden, they're all struggling to find family and find love.
RASCOE: The main character in the documentary is the dating coach, Hao. He had this approach to dating, which I think a lot of people may find a little bit, like, playeristic (ph), right (laughter)?
DU FENG: Yeah (laughter).
RASCOE: And that - I just made up a word, but you know what I mean?
DU FENG: Sure. I think that, you know, like, first of all, I want to warn any audience that this is not a film to provide any dating advice or tips for people (laughter).
RASCOE: Yes, no. Don't take dating advice from Hao.
DU FENG: But I was so drawn to him nevertheless because I am particularly interested in understanding complexities of values that we all trying to deal with. So, like, for me, it's definitely not something that I wanted to portray him as a terrible person. But to me, I think it's the complexity behind him that really fascinated me on the surface that he's using these techniques to teach these men so that they can, you know, like...
RASCOE: And talk to me about the techniques, like, some of these techniques that he was pushing.
DU FENG: Yeah. So I mean, his famous techniques is push and pull, right? So it's like, you can say something, you know, like, you know, you're pretty, but, you know, what you wear is like your grandma's curtain.
RASCOE: Yes, or, like, your face is nice, but you - it makes you - but you look like a panda, right?
(LAUGHTER)
DU FENG: Yeah.
RASCOE: So it's like - I think they call it negging in the U.S. Like, you kind of - he's pulling away from me. Let me pull towards him, type thing.
DU FENG: Yeah. I think that these techniques is nothing new, right? I mean, we've seen that in the Western world many years ago, you know, from the pickup artists of how they try to teach men. I think that what interests me is that he is from one of these men that he's coaching. His particular clientele come from rural areas or small towns. They grow up, not only have very little interactions to girls because of one-child policy - so most of the people from these rural areas as kids are, you know, largely boys.At the same time, their parents are among the population which we call the migrant workers, during the time that China is experiencing the rise of urbanization. So their parents are called up to move to the cities to work and provide for their families.
So these kids grow up - because of the residency policies, they're not allowed to move with their parents to go to the city for education. They have to be left behind and raised by mostly their grandparents. So they grew up not only without girls to interact with, but also without parents and without role models of relationship. So you can imagine that they also grew up without love.
RASCOE: As you said, these are men from the countryside. They seem to be struggling to connect not just with women, but with the world around them, with their country, with being in the city. Like, connection seemed to be a big issue for these men. What stood out to you about them?
DU FENG: Well, I think that in a way, they're left behind by their parents, but also they're left behind by the society also on so many different levels - not only on the matchmaking market, but also, you know, in terms of the economic downturn in China right now. They're the most vulnerable, that many of those are unemployed. The three clients that I followed are currently unemployed as well. These people - they enjoy the least educational resources in the country, and they don't have resources from their families. And as a consequence, they're the most vulnerable. And I think that that reinforces the lack of confidence and the psychological consequence that these men are facing.
One thing I realized that just as much as woman, these men are victims of patriarchal mindset and how they reinforcing themselves because, you know, the definition of success for these men very much are their social status, their economic status, and that's what the women are looking for these days too. And as you can imagine, when we have fewer women that they have more choices they can choose from. So these are kind of criterias that they will be looking at even before meeting any men, right? So that make these men feel even more lower self-esteem, that they just felt like they fail.
RASCOE: Since you shot this film, the three men involved - they haven't found love, and they're unemployed right now. What is your hope for them? I mean, because it does feel like the odds are stacked against them.
DU FENG: Yeah. I am not so optimistic that they will find love. It's not because of their fault, as you can see the film, that all these factors contributed to why these men just have no chance in a society. But I hope, at least, that with the film, that they can find a bit more confidence to owning the authenticity that they have. One thing that I can mention is that because of the film - we've been showing it in festivals all over the world. And at the end of the film, we added a little clip recorded by these men sharing that they still don't have love yet, and if there's any audience interested in them, they can...
RASCOE: Someone is going to reach out. I mean, they were cute. They were - they seemed like nice guys.
DU FENG: Yeah. So we actually posted their QR codes...
RASCOE: OK.
DU FENG: ...In the clip, and they have been bombarded by text messages. And they're people - you know, you name it - from, like, Norway, from, like, countries like New Zealand. You know, like, all these places that they would never even think of. And I think that they felt that their existence is worth being. So for that, I'm so grateful for all the audience that have reached out to them. It really give them more confidence that it made them feel seen.
RASCOE: That's Violet Du Feng, director of the documentary "The Dating Game." Thank you so much for joining us.
DU FENG: Thank you so much for having me. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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