SCOTT DETROW, HOST:
It's ALL THINGS CONSIDERED from NPR News. I'm Scott Detrow.
We regularly get good tips from our friends at NPR's Life Kit about how to navigate everyday life. Their podcasts talk to experts on how to be a better parent or friend or partner, how to manage money more efficiently, how to avoid holiday drama or holiday scams. And they're back today with some of their most popular and favorite tips of the year. With us is Life Kit host Marielle Segarra. Hey, Marielle.
MARIELLE SEGARRA, BYLINE: Hey, Scott.
DETROW: So I understand we're starting out by talking movement.
SEGARRA: Yeah. This one is about how to move more, but it's also about how to spend less time on your phone. And these are two topics we talk about a lot on Life Kit. The tip is called surf the urge to scroll.
DETROW: OK.
SEGARRA: We talked to Diana Hill. She's a clinical psychologist, and she cowrote a book called "I Know I Should Exercise, But..." And it's all about reasons that we don't move and how to get over them. So basically, the idea is when you have an urge to look at your phone, which I do every two seconds, basically...
DETROW: Constantly.
SEGARRA: Yeah. It's like, I just want to click the side button and see if there are any notifications, or I just want to check on Slack. Like, did anybody send me a message? You can surf that urge. Just ride it out.
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DIANA HILL: The goal with urge surfing is to learn how to get on the board of the urge, ride it, notice that it increases over time and stay on it without giving in. But it's not a willful staying on. It's actually paying attention to the sensation in your body of the urge, and then noticing it come back down again without acting.
SEGARRA: And then here's where the movement comes in, which is - this is a perfect opportunity to get up from your chair or to stretch or to do some jumping jacks, do some calf raises, dance around your living room. Because we know we're not moving enough, and so if you pair these two things together, it's sort of a this, not that.
DETROW: I really like that. I think I have been more mindful of how much time I spend on my phone this year than a lot of previous years. And even then, I'm thinking about it, it's still so hard to not do. So that's a useful way to think about it.
SEGARRA: Yeah. I block some of my apps. So I have, like, a program that you can block the apps - whichever ones you want - and then you have to tap...
DETROW: Yeah.
SEGARRA: ...This device. And so I do that before I go to bed so that, when I wake up, if I pick up my phone and I'm still in bed, I can't look at Instagram. I can't look at my email.
DETROW: So phones, obviously a big topic of focus for Life Kit. Finances are another big one.
SEGARRA: Yeah. OK, I'm going to hit you with two pieces of money advice that stuck with me this year.
DETROW: OK.
SEGARRA: One is if you have credit card debt and you're struggling to pay it, you can actually call your credit card company and tell them and they can offer you what's called a forbearance plan or a hardship plan, which is some help in the short term. They can pause or lower your minimum payments, waive late fees, lower your interest rate while you get back on your feet. And this tip comes from Yanely Espinal. She's a financial educator and the author of "Mind Your Money."
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YANELY ESPINAL: If the payment due date is coming up and you don't have the money, pick up the phone and call the phone number on the back of your credit card. If you don't call them and tell them, they're going to think that you're trying to not pay them and also not let them know. And that's when it takes a really bad hit to your credit score.
DETROW: I truly didn't know that was an option.
SEGARRA: Yeah.
DETROW: That's really good to know. What's the other tip?
SEGARRA: The other money tip that we have is about investing. So when you're deciding what funds to invest your money in - say in a retirement account or a brokerage account - you want to pay really close attention to fees. And you'll see this in the expense ratio line of your fund profile. A 1% fee might sound low, but it can add up over time and really cut into your returns. So instead, you want to look for funds that have fees that are more like 0.05% or even zero. And that'll be something like an index fund or a passively managed ETF.
DETROW: Let's pivot a little bit and talk about another thing that so many of us spend time thinking about and so many of us feel like we're not quite doing this the right way. And that's relationships with other people. Life Kit has done so many episodes on this topic. What are some of your favorite tips on that front from this year?
SEGARRA: Yeah. This is one that's become a personal favorite for me - start a community dinner. I talked to Samin Nosrat. She's a professional chef. She wrote the book "Salt Fat Acid Heat," and she had a new cookbook out this year called "Good Things." It was all about recipes and rituals that you can share with people you love. And she has been doing a weekly dinner, I believe on Monday nights, since the pandemic. And it has become a fixture in her life. And so she really recommends this. But it's hard to make this happen - right? - when everybody's busy.
DETROW: Yeah.
SEGARRA: So the tips are pick a day and stick to it, whether it's every Monday or the first Friday of the month, something like that. Pick a location and stick to it. And also, don't feel like you need to cook really fancy meals. And she also shares this idea about making the ritual holy. And that doesn't necessarily mean religious, but sacred.
DETROW: Yeah.
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SAMIN NOSRAT: By making it a regular effort and ritualizing it, that's probably step one of making it holy. There's community buy-in. All of us have it blocked on our calendars.
SEGARRA: So I've started doing this with friends. I now have a community dinner that's the first Friday of every month. And I've seen this in my own life. It's one of the things I look forward to the most.
DETROW: I like that because even if it's well intentioned, that circular, let's get together, let's get together, especially when people are busy. And it's just, like, we've been talking about this for six months. It hasn't happened.
SEGARRA: Exactly.
DETROW: Like, so just make it happen. Set a schedule.
SEGARRA: Yeah.
DETROW: I want to talk about one other episode that you did this year. And this was a tougher one, but it's something a lot of people can relate to - how to support a friend through a serious illness like cancer or something else. And I know this is something you've had personal experience with, having gone through breast cancer last year. What was the takeaway of that?
SEGARRA: Yeah. It's that when you're supporting a friend or a loved one through cancer or any other illness, remember that you don't have to be the person who makes this all better for them or who offers them that perfect pearl of wisdom. When you go to talk to them, it's really about listening and being with them. It's not about pushing a certain agenda or trying to fix anything.
So I talked to Debra Jarvis. She's a hospital chaplain and a breast cancer survivor as well. And she said you can ask a simple question to get a sense of what kind of conversation or tone would be supportive to the person that day.
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DEBRA JARVIS: I would say something kind of general and innocuous, like, hey, so where are you with all this today? And then just wait. And they may give you an answer. And then I would say wait a little more. And then the real answer might come out.
DETROW: Yeah.
SEGARRA: You may not always know what to say to your friend, but curiosity is a good start.
DETROW: I'm curious, was there a particular thing somebody said to you at one point that just stuck to you as, like, I appreciate that question?
SEGARRA: I think people have asked me, what do you need right now?
DETROW: Yeah.
SEGARRA: But it's a tricky one because on the one hand, you want to be thinking about your friend and what they need, and you want to be asking them these kind of general questions, but you also don't want to put all the work on them. Like, it's hard - if you say to somebody, let me know if you need anything, it's hard for them to really take you up on that, you know?
DETROW: That's true. Yeah.
SEGARRA: And so you can also just offer things. I think that was one of the most helpful things people did for me, was that when they were in the neighborhood they would say, hey, can I bring you a smoothie? Hey, can I get you lunch? Hey, I have, like, the dog with me. Can we come over and say hi? That meant a lot to me.
DETROW: Yeah, a specific, immediate gesture.
SEGARRA: Yeah.
DETROW: Yeah. Well, Marielle, thank you so much for talking about all of this. Happy New Year. And good luck with the - I guess the impending New Year's resolutions (laughter).
SEGARRA: (Laughter) Thank you.
DETROW: That was Marielle Segarra, host of NPR's Life Kit.
(SOUNDBITE OF DAFT PUNK'S "INSTANT CRUSH FT. JULIAN CASABLANCAS") Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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