JUANA SUMMERS, HOST:
Every week, a guest draws a card from NPR's Wild Card deck and answers a big question about their life. Jennette McCurdy is a best-selling author. She's known for her memoir "I'm Glad My Mom Died" and her new novel "Half His Age," but McCurdy first saw fame as a star of the Nickelodeon show "iCarly." She talked with Wild Card host Rachel Martin about being a child star.
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RACHEL MARTIN: When has envy been a problem for you?
JENNETTE MCCURDY: Ooh. In my teen years. Like, I had - you know, I have really curly hair. I just wanted bone - I wanted nothing more than, like, bone-straight, limp, lifeless...
MARTIN: Yeah.
MCCURDY: ...Model hair.
MARTIN: Yeah.
MCCURDY: Like, just where it's - you got three strands and they're just slightly bent. That's what I wanted. You know, I had a bit of acne, and I really - of course, I wanted clear skin. I thought the height of...
MARTIN: Well, and so much of what you did was about your physical appearance.
MCCURDY: Yes.
MARTIN: It was like...
MCCURDY: Exactly. Exactly.
MARTIN: ...How your value was measured. So much of it, anyway.
MCCURDY: Yeah. I'm glad you noticed that because I will say the shift for me actually happened when I entered eating disorder recovery in my early 20s. And it was eye-opening for me. And these concepts and questions that were posed now, of course, sound so simple, but I genuinely hadn't considered them, I think, because of growing up in the entertainment industry.
But then I enter recovery, and my therapist, you know, said, what if you don't have to - 'cause I thought the whole point was about, you know, loving your appearance. That's why you go into eating disorder recovery, so you can get to loving your appearance. He goes, what if it's not? What if it's about prioritizing other things over your appearance? Valuing other things more than your appearance? That was a genuine life-changer for me. I thought, oh, wait, I don't have to - you're telling me I don't have to love this thing or accept it? I can just...
MARTIN: Yeah.
MCCURDY: ...Care about other things more?
MARTIN: Yeah.
MCCURDY: What? Completely shifted the paradigm for me and changed everything. And funny enough, now I love my appearance. I really, really do. And I think that's because of not caring about it for...
MARTIN: Not caring about it, yeah.
MCCURDY: ...For - yeah, for some pivotal years.
MARTIN: Just readjusting your focal point. And it...
MCCURDY: Yes.
MARTIN: It was your focal point for so long. And so to be able to get out of that is a big deal.
MCCURDY: Yeah. I'm really proud of overcoming multiple eating disorders. It's - it was hard-earned and something - it's a message that I do hope to share with women because there's often - there are these narratives around eating disorder recovery in that you're always in recovery. You're never recovered. It's always something you have to keep an eye out for. You always have to be mindful.
And of course, you know, I get keeping an eye out occasionally, whatever. But I also - from where I am today, I have a healed relationship with food. I eat whatever I want whenever I want. I love food. I can't believe there were times when I - I mean, I can't relate to my past self in so many ways, which I'm so grateful for, but I want women to hear - I want - I mean, anyone who struggles with...
MARTIN: Yeah.
MCCURDY: ...With disordered eating, I want to hear this. Being fully recovered is possible. It's not something that has to haunt you for the rest of your life.
MARTIN: Yeah.
MCCURDY: I think there are too many narratives out there that just keep us stuck and keep us feeling powerless and keep us feeling like victims. And I think it's so important that we overcome those narratives for ourselves and for our own health, healing and recovery. Not to get too - I became very TED Talk-y (laughter). Sorry.
MARTIN: No, I'm into it.
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SUMMERS: You can watch that full conversation with Jennette McCurdy on YouTube - @NPRWildCard. The book "Half His Age" is out now. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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